Well the whole saga happening on Nikki’s blog and Laura’s blog has been pretty fun. Today, however, we’ve learned that this episode has actually caused controversy, hurt feelings, and potentially opened a rift between some of the single guys and girls. Some people have gotten defensive, some are retreating, some are confused. Nerves have been struck. So I offer you a few words of counsel to try to restore some sanity.
Fellas, some of you have evidently become really defensive about this whole thing. Laura Beth’s letter was not intended to be a personal affront to all single men. I think it is best taken as some insight into what the girls around you are looking for in a man. The female psyche is an enigmatic thing that you and I will never really unravel. So when you are given frank and open insight into it, rather than lash out in defense, you should seize the opportunity to learn what you can.
If you happen to be the hanger-outer described, mend your ways. Your total character has not been impugned – take a lesson and respond better next time. Learn that the women are observing you and learn to serve all of them in such basic manners, without favoritism. These girls are looking for a strong guy who will be a servant leader for them, so demonstrate those characteristics in your interactions with all of them.
So rather than be defensive, follow Bert’s example and respond with creative initiative. Be encouraged that these girls are evidently seeking out men and are open to going out. Figure out a way to encourage them. No need to posture or guard pride (that’s what defensiveness is all about if we’re honest). Seize the offensive and pursue them – or at least encourage them as sisters. And if you do choose to pursue one in particular, be very clear about your intentions, so there’s no confusion. Don’t play with someone’s guarded heart.
Ladies, for your part, don’t overreact to every comment and every reaction you get here – they are not necessarily representative of all the guys. When a guy does show a little initiative, encourage him. If he’s not someone you want to go out with, let him down gently and talk him up with your friends. Definitely don’t lead a guy on – don’t play with his heart either. I’m all about you girls having high expectations, but don’t expect perfection. Guys can be dumb; we’re all still learning.
And realize that you girls can be pretty intimidating, particularly taken as a group. The lone kid that walks across the gym floor at the 8th grade dance, away from the row of smelly guys and towards the clump of girls, is really taking his life in his hands. So by all means speak your minds, but recognize that guys can be just as sensitive underneath that masculinity.
All of you – it’s time to stop taking yourselves so seriously in regards to this stuff. I’m not saying this stuff isn’t important and that these issues aren’t significant. I’m just asking you all to lighten up and not get bogged down with this “he said, she said” soap opera. Let it be fun. Laugh about it and tease each other, sure, just don’t be so sensitive. There’s no need for division among you. Enjoy each other and pray that God will give you wisdom in your interactions. Seek to encourage each other, to serve each other, and to have fun.